i cant sleep!!!

"everything happens for a reason" ...right? i use to always say it, just like many people do. i never thought i would really anylize it like i do now. its hard to say after an awful experience. when all your thoughts are followed with "what if's?". when "everything happens for a reason" may not make sense. when you keep trying to find that "reason". its harder when all you have is questions and no answers. i use to describe myself as an "optimistic" person, now i cant remember how to think positive. they say "time" heals, i say "strength" is what allows you to see the pain and understand that it may heal but scar would always be there. a scar that may be hurt again and would need treatment over and over. a scar that resembles a change of live, another opportunity. i never thought a second cance to live would be harder than death itself. its hard to smile again, when you remeber the people or things that made you smile are no longer there and will never be seen again. how do i make decision now? when all the decisions i made before lead me to this nightmare? i was always that person that likes to think twice about my actions before proceeding with my decision, and think about the consequences that might follow my actions. if theres one thing that ive learned, is to never make a quick decision. its okay to over think your options, than to face the consequences while making the decision. im not complaining about life. life is great!, but i do admit that in this perspective im weak. i seek for peace and strength. a peace that is going to help me when there is moments of thunder and storms. for strength so when that storm comes along , i can walk firmly under the thunder. faith i conserve. god, my family, and my girls are my strentgh. they are the reason i tell myself everyday "everything is going to be okay, you are strong daisy!"

-r.i.p karla & cindy- ******

-i miss those nights, acting retarded, jerking, karlita's rumba dance, screaming at random ppl, blowin the horn to ppl at the streets, bumping music, dancing in the car, singing outloud with our windows down, our aims every weekends "im too down girl, idk what to wear tho!", our buchanas & patron nights, our friendship "shots", and "chugs", our moments "picture girl!", our "vegas" trip!, our boy talks, beach days on day's off!, getting raspados, listening to the la prima practice english! "i have no fucking $!", our night when we were broke but "tooo down"!, our bday's that were celebrated for a week!! awww!period!!!!!