in the last 5 minutes of your life...'

'in the last 5 minutes of your life, what would you like to say or do?'

this questions, was part of an assignment in my health class this morning. while i was finishing my 1st sentence, the teacher turned off the lights and said, "your time is up". my first reaction was "that wasn't 5 minutes!", with so much i still wanted to write, i realized the concept about this assignment; we cant wait for the last 5 minuted of our life to say and do what we want to do now. ironic!, because my second sentence was going to be 'to say all i wanted to say when i wanted to say it'. all my life, Ive thought more about others before me. i analyzed the situation to not say anything that would hurt others, but i keep my words inside. do we really need our "last 5 minutes" to do what we have been wanting to do?
when my teacher cut off the time, i was upset and angry in a way, because i wanted to keep writing, and it made so much sense, because our time is limited. we tend to believe we have the time to do it 'later', but in reality, we cant depend on the time, instead we have to take initiative to it when its necessary.

time is precious, its the only thing that once we have it in our hand, it keeps moving on, not returning any lost time. this assignment had a great impact on me, because Ive been giving another opportunity to live by god . Ive came into conclusion that i need to do all the things i need to, never leaving what i can do today for tomorrow, and to live the next minute as if it was my last.

my first sentence was, to get on my knees and thank god for the life and family he gave me. and that even though i made mistakes, and my life was a bumpy road, i became the person i am now, thanks to him, ive made it this far<3

another note on 'what we deserve'

Anybody can say 'I deserve better' but only those who know what they deserve act upon it, leaving what is not needed!!!!

every girl has a list of qualities they want in a guy, for example: 'i want a good listener, someone who treats me good, who tells the world im his girlfriend, goal oriented, family oriented..etc', but why is that we don't stick to our list? we find a guy that has not even one quality we like because he 'makes us feel good at times', and because everyone says 'you'll never find him, no one is perfect'. we end up settling for what at a point 'felt good', then when its gone, we learn to stay! i agree no on is perfect, but like someone told me, 'i'm not perfect sometimes turns out to an excuse'. why not date the guy we always wanted to? why not get the job we would like to have? or finish the career we always wanted?

why is it that we lower our expectations or settle for less? lets grab up on hope and do what we want to, or wait for that person that never makes us feel like were just an option! because we deserve it, and the minute someone tells us 'its not possible' we tell them 'why not?'. there's a lot of people out there that are happy, and accomplished many things they once wanted to accomplish! and we will too! it takes courage to stick to your needs, and at times we have to let go of our wants!

because what we deserve is what we always felt we did, and if we deserve it, we will have it. <3

R.I.P

its one of those nights where i hear the echo of your laugh, and i picture your smile. i get this warm feeling in my chest to remember your no longer here. im learning to accept it, but when i realize its almost a year i try to believe it was just yesterday when i seen you girls in my car. the wind blowing and the music making us dance, it was just a couple of months when you told me that you were glad you had moved in. you said i had it all, that you wished you had the life that i have. i realize that god sent you in my life to value mine. i know you're not gone because you live in my heart each and every day, both of you, Karla and Cindy. august is just around the corner, and i cant help to want to go back to time and hug both of you, and share my love. only god knows,....is what keeps me strong. i can smell your scent when i wake up every morning like i did when you slept next to me, and every time i leave my house i hear you telling me 'have a nice day at work'. when i choose my cup, i grab your favorite because i always served you soda in it, damm i miss you. i know you hear me when no one else does, and i know you still are proud of me, you always were,...its just one of those nights, were i feel you next to me. one sweet day, ill see you girls, but until then....dont leave my side, laugh with me when no one does<3 i'm trying,....because of you two. no longer do i have 2 angels, but 3, with my paul<3 ily guys each and everyday!


r.i.p karla, cindy , paul<3

in silence....

most of the time i over think things, and that's one of the reasons why i love to write. thoughts that dont allow my mind to be in silence...' and i wonder at times why do i think so much?

last night i was out in a crowd but yet, i seemed so alone. a crowd, average of 60' people. but in a full of people i was sitting alone. my mind was in silence, and it felt so good. in the moment i though of nothing! in that night 3 people came up to me telling me :

'i admire you, you inspire me...you're a strong person',

'you're my sister, my best friend and i wouldn't trade you for anything, you've helped me become a better me, and you've gotten me closer to god, thank you!'

'thanks to you, Ive learned to forgive'

this speeches came into my ear down to my heart, when you feel you've failed to the world, but yet people see your mistakes as an 'inspiration'. life gave me a second chance, another reason to be here. at times i wonder myself, 'wow, I'm making it, how?', i look up to the sky with wonder and suddenly i hear a whisper in my ear, 'Ive helped you, you haven't done this alone..you've never been alone'. in this moment i come to a scene of silence, where the whole world stops turning, when my mind is in silence and my heart beats faster. a moment in where its just me, god and the world. when every sound fades, and i can only feel the breeze! in silence, my thoughts stop, and i can only smell, and feel. with no wonder, with no worry and just hope. its the best moment in my life<3